Jenny Sullivan

I have a tendency to think too much.

It is so tempting to try to rationalize everything, to reason through things that need to be done and things that have already happened. There are so many thoughts that flit through our minds, remaining ever unexpressed. We question and we doubt and thoughts flicker across our consciousness, thoughts that we would never share and thoughts we do not understand.

Sometimes, we become so wrapped up in our thoughts that it is essential to gain perspective. By perspective, I mean that we must look at our own earthly life in relation to all of God’s glory. In this regard, we are small. Standing before the splendour of His creation, we are a piece in the puzzle of all His people, a blink in the eye of eternity… and petty problems and consuming thoughts no longer seem to have power.

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I am an anti-procrastinator.

It’s a strange label to assign oneself. I do not mean that I never procrastinate, because there are certain duties that I prefer to delay until later. By anti-procrastination, I am referring to a desire- a compulsion even, to finish. To be finished with an undesirable task so that the “bad” can be out of the way and the “good” left to enjoy.

There are a number of things wrong with this philosophy. Although the aptitude for focus and the ability to work hard are not negative qualities, they can easily be taken too far. They are only good when they are life giving, and when they lead to obsessive thought patterns and excessive self-discipline, they actually remove us from life’s momentary flow, from its joys and its beauties.

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Since today featured another thrilling win from a Canadian hockey squad, I thought perhaps I’d touch on another aspect of sport and why I love it so much.

I love most all sports, but I follow hockey devotedly. Becoming emotionally invested in the outcome of sport is something that I think some people don’t understand. They see it as “silly” perhaps to become so involved in what is only a game. In some respects, they may be right. But there is more to sport and more to supporting a team than merely winning or losing.

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There is, of course, the indescribable thrill of victory. Canada certainly experienced this today with gold medals from the women’s curling and hockey teams. The women’s hockey game was especially tense, with Canada emerging triumphant in an epic underdog story. With under four minutes to spare, returning from a two goal deficit seemed an unlikely outcome for the Canadian team. But despite the way it may have seemed, Canada made up the difference and scored the winning goal to earn the gold in overtime.

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I think there is a growing need in our culture to display what we are doing.

It is as if our actions and our words do not matter unless they have been properly documented and shown to the world. As if we are who we are because we appear that way. And as if without these proofs of our identity, we would be nothing.

I don’t agree with this philosophy. And although we all feel this pressure, I don’t think it is necessary to adhere to it. We may long for praise and affirmation, but we misguidedly attribute the root of this longing to worldly sources. At our very core, we are not longing for temporary words of admiration. This longing is for something entirely different. It is for what transcends earthly bounds, and yet we try fruitlessly to fill it by looking to earthly places.

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In the stillness of the night, in the lonely light of darkness… there are thoughts here now that stir. Thoughts I once had buried. There are fears that creep from corners, to whisper with false truths. Weary with their weight, my mind bends to their fickle words.

The worry plagues upon my thoughts, a sharp stab of unease. Unrest that I try to dispel under my own strength. I look to conjure up a guarantee, to create some sort of certainty. I rehearse my plans until they consume my mind, but they do not provide peace. They only beg for more.

You don’t have to do this.
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Forgiveness is most difficult when it is unacknowledged.

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I am writing this post at the close of my day, and so naturally thoughts of sleep have crossed my mind. As I encountered these thoughts, I wondered suddenly if sleep could be a topic for a “daily beauty” post. At first it seemed rather silly. Sleep is such a basic element of our lives, a necessary component of the cycle of living, that it hardly seems to warrant much reflection.

But if I have realized anything from writing these posts, it is that beauty is usually present, even in the most ordinary or unsuspecting of places. Sleep is no exception. Many of us look forward to sleep, because it offers an opportunity to rest our weary bodies and spirits. Sleep leads us into an escape from the world. It removes us from our problems, if only for a few hours, and allows us to steep our souls in dreams, believing that the best can really happen, and the worst, if ever realized, somehow cannot hurt us here.

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