All these holes
Can’t hold on
All these holes
Can’t hold on
What do you want most?
It’s a pretty broad question. But some things must flash forward: notions of happiness and love, certain landmarks in life you long to reach. But is there just one thing that could satisfy? Could one thing ever be enough? Enough to stop the pining, enough to feel content… Enough to treasure each precious breath instead of watching the horizon for our someday etched in the starry night sky.
It’s easy to believe that the acquisition of one success would colour our world bright again. Problems rise like mountains before us, blocking our view of what lies beyond. Desire to see the other side, to see that the valley that follows is green and full of promise and not barren and bleak, is overwhelming. The path over the mountain always seem to take a different twist or turn, yet still I reach the valley and it is everything I hoped, just not in the way that I hoped. But the bliss, the relief of reprieve is momentary. The steady surface does not last.
I want success. I want happiness. I want love. I want to see my dreams fulfilled. I would hardly be human if I didn’t.
The question that remains is this: are those the things I want most?
When I feel my fear rise up,
Nearly choke me as it comes,
You ask me to remember,
To be mindful of Your love
My flick’ring heart is fickle
And it turns the wrong direction.
Remind me please, O Lord,
You only are perfection.
I want not to feed the evil
But to focus on the light.
I want to give You all control
And not to try and fight.
Place before my eyes
A quick glimpse of salvation,
For from such everlasting love
There can be no separation.
Happy Christmas Eve! It’s crazy to think that this day is already upon us. In some ways, the last couple of months seem to have stretched out for a lifetime, but in other ways it feels like they’ve passed by so fast. A lot has changed for me in the last few months. Before September, I had never been away from home for more than three nights, and now I’ve lived on my own for almost four months!!! Although many obstacles have been present along the way, the feeling after overcoming these minor and major roadblocks is so much better than if they had not been there in the first place. It makes me think of the following quote: “Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” (-Joshua J. Marine).
One little thing…
One little strand that goes astray; a tiny fragment of life that’s out of order. The other pieces seem unimportant in light of the one that has fallen, the one that is out of place.
Narrowed focus has become my burden. I pay too much attention. I dwell. If only I could widen my gaze. If only I could shift my eyes from the shadows and look into the light.
Life is a series of moments.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. For some reason, this simple line slipped into my mind like a gentle whisper, and it feels as though it has been tugging at my heart. Moments. What are moments? I would describe them as fleeting points in time, pieces of life that flash only briefly before your eyes and then fade into the distance. Moments don’t last very long.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that life isn’t just one dusty, winding road with no end in sight. It is simply a single step, that leads to another step as soon as we attempt the first one. The steps are all connected but we must mount the ones at the bottom before we can move on to the top. All too often I try to skip steps. I view my future as a daunting journey and when I dwell on all that lies ahead, the mere prospect is far too overwhelming.
Words fly across the page,
Ink sputters to compete,
With thoughts that race for recognition
The soul pours into scribbled lines,
Of honesty that startles.
Dreams are such a fragile treasure,
Sealed so close to home,
Values beyond any measure,
Lest these hopes may roam.
Dazzling visions of a future,
Brighter than the sun
Illusions that appear so sure,
Then come fast undone.
How does the ling’ring heart move on,
Shadowed with this doubt?
No strength remains to sing the song
Life was once about.
At first it is only a whisper,
A glimmer of light through the trees
The shadows rush fast to replace it,
And they bring me down to my knees
A sickening spiral of worry,
Relentless reminders of doubt
Stifled and strangled, hidden so well,
The rest of the world is shut out
This forest of thoughts is a prison,
A cage with the bars held in tight
I cry and despair and seek freedom,
While keys lie in reach and in sight
It’s been a very, very long time since I last posted on this blog, but I’m hopeful that I can turn over a new leaf and start making more regular updates. As one of the co-leaders of a new Christian Youth Group at my school, I thought it would be nice (and give me some structure), if I wrote a blog each week about our ever-changing theme. This week the theme was dating…
You may ask (and would be totally justified in doing so), what makes me qualified to write any kind of reflection about dating? I’ve never dated anyone before and I’ve never had a boyfriend. So maybe it does mean that I don’t have all of the answers when it comes to having relationships, but I think I am more than qualified when it comes to not having them.