Dear Beloved: Promised Land
There is no life so tattered or spirit so broken that God cannot use it for His good. You are still trying to hold onto your life and as you grip the edges with white slipping fingers, you find it still eludes your control. You blame yourself, you shame yourself, you look to the future and past, and ever before you as you close your eyes is the unfathomable void, the as-of-yet unarticulated disaster towards which you see your life heading. In this moment, you have a choice. You can continue to live hunched over, crippled under the weight of what you were never meant to bear. Or you can let go, acknowledge your own fallibility, and cling to another surer sense of security.
You wonder what good your life can amount to. You wonder how you can avoid the realization of your persistent worries. But God is not compressed into the limited framework of the world; He is not compelled to operate by humanly discernible processes. In His hands, any life can and will be placed where it can sow beauty, shine light. This does not always occur in circumstances that seem extraordinarily beautiful or luminescent. But God is in the little moments, and He sees every good and beautiful thought and word. In the weakest of minds or the bleakest of lives, a heart offered to Him allows His strength to shine through and brings peace and joy to all those touched by this light, even in unexpected or immeasurable ways.
Pray daily that God use you to fulfill His will, though in your fear or despair, this prayer may be only a strained repetition of the words, “Jesus, I give my life to you.” He hears all voices, even the most broken of cries, and each incomplete yet sincere expression of desire grants us a little more of the patience and presence to hear His still, small voice in return, speaking truth and assurances of future joy. Do not give up this hope, this trust that God has a plan for you and that the boundary beyond which there is no grace does not exist. Strive internally each day towards these intangibles of the Kingdom (less of self and more of God) and you will be filled with a Love that will indeed lead you to your Promised Land.