Daily Beauty, Day #22: Trust
In the stillness of the night, in the lonely light of darkness… there are thoughts here now that stir. Thoughts I once had buried. There are fears that creep from corners, to whisper with false truths. Weary with their weight, my mind bends to their fickle words.
The worry plagues upon my thoughts, a sharp stab of unease. Unrest that I try to dispel under my own strength. I look to conjure up a guarantee, to create some sort of certainty. I rehearse my plans until they consume my mind, but they do not provide peace. They only beg for more.
You don’t have to do this.
I do. I need to make sure, to find some reassurance that I will be okay.
I might not. How am I to know my future? The steps appear in shadows. They flit and fade before me.
You do not need to know.
But isn’t knowledge power? And yet, I know their connection is fickle. Knowledge may bring with it power, but the power hardly rests on firm foundation. This kind of power is not enough to satisfy my thirst.
Let go. Let go of your need for control.
I don’t know how. How do I abandon my striving? How do I learn to stop trying so hard?
Trust. Can I both trust and also depend on my own plans? It seems I must choose one over the other. If I reach for control, if I obsess over figuring everything out, I have lost the very essence of trust. I cannot trust and maintain control.
I must choose. Worry is a lack of trust. My mind wants to run in circles, to find some solid ground, but if I choose trust, I must abandon this need for certainty. I must be willing to embrace the mystery. I must accept that there are things I do not know and cannot understand, but that these things pale in comparison to what passes beyond knowing, to the beauty that transcends my earthly knowledge.
Beauty is in surrender. Less trying. Only trust.